written by Mercy // started June 28, 2006

Prologue

"Why don't you get married, Su Ah? Don't tell me you're still looking for Mr. Right!" My friends never ceased to tease me when they found the opportunity.

"Aww, poor Su Ah. She's almost thirty years old but no husband in sight." Comments like these came from my family and other relatives. I'm still not sure if they were gossiping about me or pitying me. Neither of those things are good anyway.

"What's this pretty lady doing walking alone like this?" the people on the streets would say. Either to other people, to themselves, or, even sometimes, directly to me. But, the good thing was, no guy had ever tried to rape me or attack me like hungry wolves.

Even little kids talked to me about marriage. "My big brother likes you a lot! Why won't you marry him?" I would always smile sweetly at them and laugh like a girl that had just been proposed to by surprise.

No one knows why I am still living the single life. But, I will tell you, special reader, to finally let the truth out, and to also tell you a story.

I, Kim Su Ah, am scared of commitment.

You may be thinking, oh, what's the big deal, love is just a game; You fall in love, then you fall out of love, and toss the guy aside like dirty laundry. EVERYONE does it.

But you see, that's not true at all. For me, at least. When I fall in love, I fall hard. I fall so bad I cannot get back up. I can never fall out of love, thus I can never toss the guy I love aside like dirty laundry.

That was exactly what happened to me eleven years ago, when I was at the sweet and dandy age of sixteen.

Now, I am twenty-seven years old. I will tell you all about what happened when I was sixteen, so that you can understand why I am scared of commitment. Which will also explain why, at twenty-seven, I am still not married.

The story begins on the start of a normal morning. Not long after I had changed into my school uniform, I heard a loud beep from a car horn coming from outside. I quickly grabbed my light blue backpack off my bed and sprang out of the house, not bothering to wrap the backpack onto my shoulders.

I stepped out onto the front porch and smiled brightly at the person in the old Chevy: my grandpa. He lived in the neighborhood behind us, but he would always come by every morning to drive me to school. He flashed me a heartwarming smile and I felt my first warmth of sunshine for the new day.

I ran over to the car and opened the door to the passenger's seat. "Good morning, Grandpa!" I exclaimed as I tossed my backpack onto the back seat and sat down in the passenger's seat. I straightened my uniform and grabbed the seatbelt.

"Good morning, Su Ah. You seem so happy today. Is there something going on that I don't know about?" he asked. I thought he was being serious, so I looked at him. But he gave me his famous wink, which could only meant that he was joking. Oh, did my grandpa love to joke back then.

I grinned. "Grandpa," I teased. "You still are immature, aren't you?"

We both burst into a fit of laughter. It was quite a mix. My grandpa with his deep and throaty laugh and me with my high-pitched giggles. Yes, even at sixteen years of age, I sounded like a little girl.

After we had finished laughing, my grandpa backed out of the driveway and said, "We should get to school now. You're going to be late if we keep on dilly-daddling."

Dilly-daddling. It was my favorite word, and it still is. Grandpa liked to use it since he knew I loved that word. He would always do his best to please me. I was, after all, his only grand-daughter.

Grandpa drove me to school and dropped me off once we arrived. As I pulled my backpack on, I said, "Thank you, Grandpa! See you later!" I said those sentences every single day, but I never got tired of them.

"Bye, Su Ah!" my grandpa would always say, then he would drive away slowly as I watched him go. There never was a time that I automatically went into the school building once we arrived. I would always see him off first.

I turned around and headed into school. The breeze from the light wind tossed my semi-long hair into my face and blocked my vision. I would use my hand to push my hair back, but the strands of hair would fly back around and hit against my eyes, my cheeks, my nose, and my mouth. I got so fed up, I stopped right at the bottom of the steps up to the school and reached into my pocket for my hair scrunchie.

I was just about to tie my hair up, when I felt someone's side ram right into mine. It was a harsh shove, and the next thing I knew, I was falling down. I landed on my back with a minor thud on the ground. It didn't hurt much, and I was relieved that my head was still whole.

You're probably thinking, What the freak? Is she as skinny as a stick or what? And to answer your question, No, I wasn't as skinny as a stick. I was not as thin as I wanted myself to be, but I wasn't big either. I was average. However, I was quite weak. Weak as in I-can't-beat-up-anyone-weak. Today, I'm...let's just say, I had gained some pounds over the past eleven years. Yes, that's it.

"Yah, watch where you're going!" someone shouted. I tried to see who they were, but my vision was blurred, disabling me from viewing things clearly. I slowly sat up and rubbed my eyes with my fingers.

I felt a fist come into contact with my head. I could see better now, but I didn't bother to look up at my perpetrator. What was the use? They would only hit me even more if I stared up at them. Bullies didn't like being looked at.

"Hey, are you just gonna sit there and act like we're invisible? Apologize now!" These loud and obnoxious voices...I knew who they belonged to. The one who shouted at me before was Park Joo Mi. The one who just told me to apologize was Shim Lee Na.

Suddenly, someone pushed the girls away and lended me a hand. I hesitated--I didn't want their help. I didn't want them to help me. I was only in a small situation; something that I couldn't end right away, but if given time, I possibly could. But here this person was, wanting to help me.

There was nothing else I could do. I lightly grabbed their hand, and they pulled me up, their grasp on my hand very tight. I stood on my feet and only then did I look up, and looked at all of the people's faces. The girls who had, what can I say, bullied me had expressions of hatefulness towards me etched on their faces.

But the person who had helped me, a guy, was smiling at me, and I didn't even know who he was. Was he a new student? I'd never seen him around school before.

He opened his mouth to say something, but the school bell decided to ring, making everybody (including the girls that had bullied me) run into the school building. The loud BRRRIIIINGGG! had drowned him out; I couldn't hear what he'd just said. Since I didn't want to be late, I didn't bother to ask him. I told him "thank you" and quickly rushed into the school building. My legs were okay so I didn't find an excuse not to run.

I heard the guy shout "Hey!" behind me, but I didn't bother to turn around. What he wanted to say to me could wait until later, couldn't it?

I entered my classroom just a second before the bell rang. I almost ran smacked into the teacher.