a short story by Mercy // started June 28, 2006

"Why don't you get married, Su Ah? Don't tell me you're still looking for Mr. Right!" My friends never ceased to tease me when they found the opportunity.

"Aww, poor Su Ah. She's almost thirty years old but no husband in sight." Comments like these came from my family and other relatives. I'm still not sure if they were gossiping about me or pitying me. Neither of those things are good anyway.

"What's this pretty lady doing walking alone like this?" the people on the streets would say. Either to other people, to themselves, or, even sometimes, directly to me. But, the good thing was, no guy had ever tried to rape me or attack me like hungry wolves.

Even little kids talked to me about marriage. "My big brother likes you a lot! Why won't you marry him?" I would always smile sweetly at them and laugh like a girl that had just been proposed to by surprise.

No one knows why I am still living the single life. But, I will tell you, special reader, to finally let the truth out, and to also tell you a story.

I, Kim Su Ah, am scared of commitment.

You may be thinking, oh, what's the big deal, love is just a game; You fall in love, then you fall out of love, and toss the guy aside like dirty laundry. EVERYONE does it.

But you see, that's not true at all. For me, at least. When I fall in love, I fall hard. I fall so bad I cannot get back up. I can never fall out of love, thus I can never toss the guy I love aside like dirty laundry.

That was exactly what happened to me eleven years ago, when I was at the sweet and dandy age of sixteen.

Now, I am twenty-seven years old. I will tell you all about what happened when I was sixteen, so that you can understand why I am scared of commitment. Which will also explain why, at twenty-seven, I am still not married.

I met him at the laundromat. It was another boring morning, with me working in the back and my mother working at the front. If my mother had never had a horrible stomachache, I would have never gotten the chance to take over her place at the front of the building.

And, I wouldn't have gotten the chance to meet him.

It was only a few minutes after my mother and I had switched spots that he showed up. Entering the laundromat was a struggle for him since his handsome arms were held tight around two baskets. I quickly ran over and offered to help him.

"Thanks," he said, as I grabbed one laundry basket and brought it over to a washing machine.

I turned around and smiled at him. "You're welcome."

He smiled back at me, then started doing the laundry. I left him alone and went back to my post. There were still some customers I needed to call. I flipped through the laundromat's offical phone book and dialed a number. "Mrs. Park?...Yes, it's me, Su Ah..."

The whole time I was speaking to the customers, my attention was on him. Yes, the guy who had came in with the two laundry baskets. It may sound like I was stalking him or something, but I was watching his every move. Why, you may ask? It was because he had caught my attention; I had never seen a guy more unique. Not to mention the fact that he was especially handsome.

"Okay. Bye, Mrs. Park," I said to the customer on the other line. I put the receiver down gently and looked up. The guy had finished putting his laundry into the washing machine and was now coming over to the counter, which I was standing behind.

He smiled at me, and I gave him a small smile back. I didn't want to seem too eager. "I'm Hyun-Shik. What's your name?" he asked me.

I felt totally ecstatic. He was asking me what my name was? This was out of the ordinary. Never had any guys asked for my name; never had any introduced themselves, even. How did this one see me?

Should I tell him my real name, or come up with a fake one? I asked myself. My mother had always told me not to talk to strangers, especially boys that paid me special attention. She'd said that you can never trust men these days. "They're malicious beasts in disguise," she would warn me over and over.

I decided to give him my real name. He looked harmless to me. "Su Ah," I replied, "nice to meet you, Hyun-Shik." I stuck my hand out for a shake.

"Su Ah," he said admiringly. "What a simple but pretty name." The corners of his lips curled into a subtle smile. He reached his hand out over the counter and took mine.

I didn't know what it was, but when our hands touched, there seemed to be some kind of connection. I could practically feel the sparks in-between our palms. It was a very special moment to me; I had never felt so "right" holding someone else's hand.

We didn't even shake hands yet. We just held the other person's hand like it was too fragile, and could easily break. It wasn't until my mother shouted, "Su Ah!" from the back of the building that our hands quickly shook and broke away.

I felt like we were being separated.

I gave him a small nod, and hurriedly made my way to the back of the laundromat. "Su Ah..." my mother groaned. "Where are you, sweetie?"

"I'm coming, Umma!" I shouted. I had heard her voice coming from her bedroom. I opened the door and poked my head in.

My mother was lying on her bed, clutching her stomach. Her face was scrunched up in pain. I entered her room and immediately rushed over to her side. "Umma, do you want me to call the doctor?" I asked her worriedly.

She shook her head. "It's okay, honey. Just go get me Advil or something and I'll be better in no time." She struggled to give me a smile, and I could feel tears coming to my eyes.

I went to her medicine cabinet and rummaged through it until I found the Advil container. It felt extremely light to me. I shook it to see if there were anymore pills left.

There were none.

I still had hope. Surely there was another pain reliever in here somewhere! I took down all of the bottles, containers...everything. I tossed them onto a pile on the floor. I took a look at every one of them. The whole time I was thinking, Pain reliever, pain reliever, pain reliever.

After I was done looking through all of the medicines, I realized something horrid. There wasn't even ONE pain reliever pill left!

I turned around to face my mother. She had been watching me the whole time. I walked over to her slowly. "Umma," I began, "you're out of pain relievers."

She shook her head in disbelief. "That's nonsense. I just bought some Advil last week." She started counting on her fingers as she thought back. "And Tylenol the week before, and Ibuprofen the week before that, and Aspirin the week before that..."

"Umma," I interrupted. I had to stop her from going on and on. When she does, she never stops. "I don't think even the doctor can help you now. We must go to the hospital." I stood up and grabbed her jacket off of her desk chair for her. "Here," I said, putting it on for her after she had sat up.

I stuck my hand out. "I'll give you a hand," I told her.

She looked up at me hesitantly. "I don't really want to go to the hospital, Su Ah." She shifted her gaze and stared at her bedsheet. "The people there scare me."

I shook her shoulders. "Umma, it's okay. You were a nurse before, remember?" I paused to let what I just said sink in. Her eyes looked at me sadly, but with hope. "You used to work at that hospital. You know what it's like, so it's going to be okay."

She then nodded her head. "Alright, let's go." She grabbed my hand and I pulled her up. We left her bedroom and walked out to the front.

It wasn't until I locked eyes with Hyun-Shik that I realized I had forgotten all about him.

I had never felt more guilty. I looked away from Hyun-Shik, and led my Umma out to the morning sunlight. The quicker I got away from the problem, the better.

"Hey, Su Ah. Wait up!" I heard Hyun-Shik call after me. I whipped my head around to take one glance at him, then turned around and continued walking my mother.

I then felt a warm hand on my shoulder. "Su Ah," Hyun-Shik's voice said, "where are you taking your mother?"

The words "none of your business" escaped my mouth before I could stop them. I shook his hand off my shoulder and ignored him. I felt embarrassed for being so rude.